The Therapist and the Little Girl
Picture yourself on a merry-go-round: sounds fun, right? Perhaps it reminds you of days spent enjoying all there was to offer at the county fair? Now imagine never being able to exit that ride. Enter adulthood: your repetitive thoughts are the merry-go-round and your brain can’t get off the ride. This is known as rumination, an unhealthy habit most people engage in at some point, but a daily occurrence for me and other like-minded people who suffer from anxiety.
Not only are these thoughts intrusive, but they also often involve some form of negative self-talk:
“Only an idiot would do something like that!”
“I’m supposed to be some sort of professional. Wait until they all find out I’m not.”
“Who the hell wants to hear about your problems? No one cares.”
Thankfully about 17 years ago I found the world’s best therapist. He’s a tough New Yorker with a heart of gold. I can still remember the day he stopped me in my tracks with a new exercise:
“Why are there three chairs?” I asked.
“Pretend young Katie is sitting in the third chair. I‘m guessing she’s about 8. Now speak to her,” he said.
Great. I apparently chose the Freudian therapist without realizing it, I scoffed in my head.
“I know this may seem strange.”
“You’re right,” I said.
“Now take those same insults and tell them to her.”
“What? I’m not going to insult a child.”
“But don’t you see? She is you. If you wouldn’t say those things to her, or to any other child, why would you say them to yourself?”
BOOM. Mic-drop. He got me. The tears started rolling uncontrollably down my cheeks as I realized how right he was. Thus began my long journey towards self-love and acceptance. I am happy to report that today, the little girl is happily well-cared for.
